Day 2: Fine till now.

I am pretty much fine, at least till now. Though it has not been long and I had wasted a lot of time today but I am fine considering I have had no PMO. I was thinking what might happen if I had an urge and I gave in? And guess what, I had a super urge and was literally going to give in but I picked up my phone and texted my accountability partner, mr. awesome. He gave me advice to take a cold shower immediately which I took and I felt much better afterwards. I also had a good chat with him, he is dealing with his own problems and I with mine. We have screwed up our rain too much with porn and PMO, we need a good recovery but his advice really helped and I didn’t think about naked girls till tonight.

It was a nightmare for me not to do anything. I have to suppress the thoughts of girls or anything sexual that comes into my mind. For a good recovery, it is necessary that I do not day dream about it. The more I will, the more it will affect my recovery. Nobody wants a failed recovery or a partial one. The most important thing that came into my mind after I read someone’s blog is that we as recoverer are focusing on reboot (the people recovering from porn addiction through no PMO and focusing on restrictive days usually 90). We are focusing on number of days that we should go on without PMO. /it does not help that much as rewiring help. I think I should focus on rewiring too. Rewiring gives a better insight of yourself and you can connect better with your partner. However, rewiring is not an easy task. I think for someone impatient like me reboot will be fine but that craving of rewiring does not go. It’s like buying an Iphone. When you are in store, you think why not Iphone 6s?

Well, surviving is the key here. I’ll have to first survive then upgrade. The battle of 90 days. 1 down, 89 to go………. keep going…. keep going……..

Kickstart: Day 1

Saw my last post…. It dated back to 23 July. More than two months I had been struggling, on and off with the program. Had my chances of success and followed by more failures. Now I can see that my addiction cannot be the answer and my problems cannot be the life I want to live. I have to get out of it and I know I can. I have a strategy in mind. As strategy is very important to solve most of your life problems, I have formed one. This will be the first of the ones, accordingly to the need, I may have to change but the changes should be constructive. The first one is here…..

MARK I: (The nomenclature will be of order MARK)

  • Knowing everything about porn:

    This is very important. Luckily, there are many websites in which you can find tons of information relating to it. www.yourbrainonporn.com needs a special mention here. Everything related to porn addiction can be found here. I am personally thankful to Gabe and others for educating about its effects in long run and how to get out of it. Here is a small video to understand what porn addiction is:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ya67aLaaCc&feature=youtu.be

    Some addiction effects of porn that I am facing:

    1) Severe depression

    2) Social Anxiety

    3) Mood swings

    4) Objectification of Women (seeing them as sex objects which is now making me sick)

    5) Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED) [It happens when you have watch too much of porn and it had worked up your brain to such extent that it is now impossible to get aroused to the natural sexual stimuli]

    6) Lack of motivation

    7) Lack of ambition (prior to porn use, I used to be a lot ambitious and lot motivated)

    8) Lack of Concentration

    9) Self-Satisfaction (I never noticed girls in my college is because of the fact that I was always satisfied with myself, be is socially or sexually, I killed my ambitions because I was always satisfied by myself even if I perform good or bad)

  • Curing:

    There are various methods of cure. You can find them on many sites. The most popular is ‘Hard 90’s of no PMO”. It means getiing though 90 days of no Porn, no Masturbation and no Orgasm. It may sound super easy but I tell you it is very tuff and can bring tears out of eyes. I will be following ‘hardmode’ too. In hardmode, I will not touch my ‘wee-wee’ for the next 90 days no matter what. The major issue involved in recovery is flatline. The flatline is something that can be defined as a stage when a person experience ‘no libido’ during recovery. It is very depressive because you think that it will be forever but generally it accounts to 1-4 weeks, however there have been cases of flatlines stretching upto 60 days so you cannot tell. Our hero, Gabe took around 9 months to recover but many recover around after 90 days. So I am optimist about it. 

  • Our hero, Gabe Deem!
  • Support:

    I have made an account on reboot nation. It is site dedicated to help men come out of addiction. I have also got an accountability partner, mr. awesome. I hope we can get out it together as a team. 

  • This is probably my first quest of self discovery and getting off the addiction which has dominated me for the good half of my life. I am determined to do it and I believe I can do it……..