It has been 3 days to the relapse. I know that it is a difficult phase. Now when I look at Gabe, I have more respect for him. How did he do that? That is the guy, the real hero of rebooters. Well, I have this very important exam in less than 10 days and I cannot afford to score less in it. So I have revised MARK II a little bit.
Porn will be cut down at all cost. So P as well as P subs are out. Now the problem lies in O. it is lethargic, I know but the combination of P with O make it more lethal. I cannot have mood swings and early sings of flatline destroy my chance in it. So the revision come here is that I will O but not to porn.
Big mistake! Has he lost it! I know, that’s what will be coming up in your minds but I am not finished. The O will not be everyday but it will be strategically. I will train my brain to deal with O in a more comprehensive way. At first the O will be done at the end of 5 days, then at the end of 10 days. The problem is that Chaser effect will come in play here and I will crave for more dopamine rush. So this is what comes next. The O will be done in night just before sleep. If cravings come then I will tale a cold shower considering that there is still some summers left in here. After 5 days more, it will be followed by another O. After I am done with my first exam, next is scheduled on 22 November and 29 November. So there is ample of time but this time the duration of O will be increased to 7. So one O in one week. After that my last exam is on 20th December. Then the frequency will be once in 10 days. When Winters kick in the time of O will be in day just before nap and if cravings come, lukewarm shower will do as fine as cold shower.
This strategy sounds berserk at first but it can work considering if I let the testosterone and running and dopamine in a controlled manner, I can have a upper hand on mood swings. The recovery can be slow but I believe my efforts will not be in total waste. Maybe it will not cure PIED to the full extent but it will definitely not worsen the situation but make it a little better. It will be a win/win.
There are some factors of will power involved. I noticed even after relapsing that there was some improvement. I had better drive compared to the time when I was suffering in last 10 days. I talked to a pretty girl in class and I could do it without any awkward thoughts coming in my mind.
Control on mood swings is a must. Any suggestions are welcomed.