Day 5 & 6: Life is getting hell!

Yep, it is happening. The withdrawal symptoms are kicking in bad. My testosterone levels are like all time high and they are yelling for an ejaculation. I feel like I am dying out here. Today I woke up to another sex dream in which girls were running naked. I don’t understand why this is happening. My craving are understandable but dreams? I do not think of porn all day, I have an exam and I do considerable amount of study so technically the probability of having nightmares about a mess up in exam is more than an American Pie naked mile run.

According to  common withdrawal symptoms include:

  • Insomnia and other sleep difficulties
  • Anxiety, stress and other forms of fear
  • Headaches and pains and stiffness in muscles, joints, teeth, jaw, genitals and other parts of the body
  • Fatigue and weakness
  • Depression, despair and other forms of sadness
  • Agitation
  • Lack of Focus / attention / concentration (brain fog)
  • Mood Swings
  • Frustration, irritability, annoyance, short-temperedness and other forms of anger
  • Flu, nausea, fever and other forms of sickness
  • Little or no libido, flatline.
  • Pornographic flashbacks and sexual dreams
  • Horniness, sexual cravings, sexual thoughts and urges to use porn and/or masturbate
  • Desire to avoid socializingI am having almost all of these symptoms in one way or another. I am going mad with them. I am getting good sleep but my sleep patterns are changing. I am experiencing distorted sleep patterns, sometimes going to bed too early and sometimes staying up to late because I cannot sleep. There are porn flashbacks, a lot of flashbacks. There are terrible mood swings, there is anxiety and there is sexual cravings. Sometimes I feel sexual cravings are slipping out of hands. Let me take yesterday’s account for instance. I was in the class attending the lecture and a girl was sitting in just front of me. I don’t know why this thought came into my mind but I felt like grabbing her! Sick! I know but that flashed in my mind, at once I felt like I am a sexual predator and there is no difference between rapists and me. I loathed myself and was filled with self pity. How could such a thought enter my mind? I sat straight and clasped my hands tightly for the rest of the lecture. I don’t I want to end up in jail, especially for sexual assault.

    There are terrible mood swings. At times I want to study hard because I know this is the right thing to do and then I relax and end up doing nothing. WTF is wrong with me? The cravings come and go but their timings are way out of league. They sometimes come when I am doing a maths sum, however when I see some ad in TV where after looking a sexy model the craving should come, it doesn’t. I am not lying while writing this entry the craving came once! How can an entry be sexual!

    There are times when I curse the day when I had first watched porn. Can I just reverse that? I wished someone would have slapped me and shown me the right path while I was glued to that screen. I wish, and I can only wish because I know I cannot change the past. I cannot reverse things and put them in my half. My wishes will not make my life happy however my actions would. I am going through a tough phase, I hope I get out of it well.


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