Today marks the first week. Yay! Made it through the first cruel week however guys say that the problems starts happening after that. If problems start after first week then what was I experiencing for the past 7 days? It was a total nightmare and the worst part is that troubles are going to start now. I’ll be damned if they should not!
Last two days were relatively fine. I did pretty good in my exams considering I did well in one and messed up the other though not very bad. Now I am thinking that I have to push myself a little harder. I have made a new timetable and and I am committed to stick to it. There are numerous things to achieve and there is a very short time for that. I have to do well or else I will be screwed. I realized that I have already made so much mistakes in the past that I have burned almost all of my rescue bridges. Be it bad grades, romantic life or career wise; I have managed to screw it well but not now. Now is the time to act and get up and go what I truly want to achieve and deserve. Addiction cannot be the solution of anything in life.
Taking about urges, they are pretty much in control. Thoughts of porn come but they are not very intense. Just before opening the laptop I wanted to have a peep into the latest videos of this week but I controlled. I have come up with a solution on the advice of Mr. Awesome that whenever I get a strong urge that seems uncontrollable them I should starts a set of push ups. Seems fine, exertion will take your mind off the urge and keep you intact. I’ll happily take it.
Motivational level from previous days is better. There are days of complete despair and destitution where I think porn as the only hope rather than my adversary. There are moments of bewilderment and when you feel lost and there are times when you are ecstatic, when you have terrible mood swings and when you have good concentrations. However, happy moments are less compared to tuff ones but I know it will not be the same always. You know why:
The bad time has come but the bad time has not come to stay but to pass.
This is the hope that I have in my mind every passing day and every passing night. I am going to make it.
I am going to make it.
I am going to make it.
I am going to………